kudos to phish

for the first time in years, probably since 2004, i have valid reason to give phish positive praise for something they've done: webcasting shows. it's really a brilliant idea, in all honesty. i mean, put yourself in their shoes: they're already getting more or less $75 per ticket and sell out every show with no problems at all. Why not make $15 more bucks and sell the show on the internet to (at the very least) twice as many people than you're reaching solely in the venue. with the festival streams this summer (hangout, bonnaroo, etc.), shit - now i don't have to pay for over-priced festival tickets, rent a condo, deal with the festivality in all its entirety.

i can't even begin to explain how nice it is to have the following taken away from the "going-to-see-a-phish-show" experience:

1. the fucking scuds - i don't have to hear "moooooooolllllyyyyyy" or get hit up for smokes by every anti-showering hippie in the place. as a matter of fact, i don't even have to walk around the entire lot, or park my car, or do any of that shit. i'm on the couch. all the heady bros are at the show sweating it up and brah'in out in their own wookie ass way, and i don't have to deal with even one of 'em.
2. this is an extension of point 1, regarding the crowd, and i don't need to explain this any further: "A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole."--Frank Zappa
3. a/c - i'm sitting comfortably in my recliner, drinking old charter, and am comfortable. i'm not fighting over seats, scheming to sneak over the rail when the usher isn't looking, watching out for wookies who are doing just that... and i'm in the confines of my very own home. plus, i have my own shitter to go to when they play "wading in the velveeta cheese" or any other flimsy new song they purport.
4. soundboard - i actually get to see the band (which isn't that great now because as cheesy as trey has gotten, with the signs and all and the singing along, i just don't get it). i think the theory that as musical artist get older, they just naturally cheese out - so it seems to be heading in such a direction for phish. i predict that in the next year, going to see a phish show will be eerily similar to watching an episode of espn college gameday, with all the signs and overbearing crowd participation. playing songs that people write on signs - that's not the spontinaeity i'm looking for in such a band. don't take cues from the people in the crowd. please.
5. did i mention that i have my very own shitter? just can't beat that.

so, i tip my hat to the boys - the first tip of such a hat in a long time. i'm glad that people are enjoying it, that they're playing the songs correctly (at least - although they're "banging them out" more so than in the past), and seem like they're having fun.

my sweet honeymoon in Haiti

who could have ever guessed life would turn out so sweet? you think you're in a dead end job in a dead end city when things just turn right around. now look at you, in Haiti, exploiting locals and local horses, and for what??? that perfect picture that sums up the relationship you have with the love of your life. Betty and Randy 4 life.

now don't feel sorry for Ulysse - even though he looks like he's struggling and not enjoying himself, he's actually having the time of his life! most other visitors exploit Ulysse and his horse-leading abilities, but not us. we were nice enough to include him in the pic. not only that, we're sharing our Ulysse experience with all of our closest and most dearly loved. that's right - keep an eye out next Christmas. i'm not sure there's a better picture that defines peace, love, and joy simultaneously. even the horses look stoked - the one on the right even smiled for the picture. what a sport. FELIZ NAVIDAD, ULYSSE!!!!

not everyone would imagine Haiti as being the supreme honeymoon spot, but what Randy wants, Randy gets. you wouldn't believe the room on the beach - i mean, no one is here. who'd thunk it? i heard rumors of some type of cholera going around, but i just thought that was some type of tropical voodoo drink. i wondered why the waiter gave me a strange look when i asked him to bring my lovely wife a tall glass of cholera.

we spent 6 steamy, sexy nights in Port Au Prince, me, Randy, a can of Crisco, and well, some things should be left unsaid. don't get jealous of Randy's tan - it's the Crisco. I, on the other hand, refuse to take my shirt off - even in oceanic settings. why? why do i wear white tube socks with my Crocs? why do i wear a neon yellow fanny pack? why, you ask? because it fucking works.

we came upon Ulysse and his two pals, Napoleon and Jean, while we were bronzing up our bods the second day in Haiti. not only was his uni-tooth smile inviting, but he also seemed very bored and in need of some work. what better way to appease both of our dilemmas than to have him lead us into the ocean on horseback for the most romantic moment of my natural life. i may not remember the whole trip (thanks, Crisco) but i will forever remember Ulysse, Napoleon, Jean, and my beautiful, bronze-thighed beauty of a wife, Randy.