soul warming soul food at CoraFaye's Cafe

just demolished a plate of smothered chicken, rice & gravy, greens w/ pepper sauce, candied yams, cornbread, and sweet tea. i mean, this is what i am talking about.

and i'm in Colorado. places like this are jewels, especially this far away from the South. this is at CoraFaye's Cafe in Denver - i highly recommend it.

catfish, neckbones, three different shades of Kool Aid... fried chicken & waffles, even chittlins... i love food, and these are the essentials that i'm missing in my life. i'd cook it every night if i had the time, but that - again - is what makes places like CoraFaye's so great - someone is taking the time to put their soul in the food and it is phenomenal.

i'm sick of James Franco

why is it that James Franco, an actor, goes back to film school and, because he's an actor, people are just bedazzled by his awful films??? i know why: because he's just so damn hot. this is what's ruining america. this and the fashionably terrible mustache. did i mention how much i love trends and those that dive into them?

simply because he is a famous, lusted-after-by-most-every-woman actor... so hip and so trendy... meanwhile, there are actual "film makers" who make films worth watching - sadly most of us will never see them. yet, james franco gets write-ups in Esquire and such magazines on a regular basis. honestly, i think Esquire just wants to suck his dick.

here's a clip from his student film The Feast of Stephen which is not at all incredible in any sense of the word: http://www.movieline.com/2010/02/hang-time-its-james-francos-queer-naked-basketball-short-nsfw.php

after watching this short clip, like the boy at the end who leaps over a wall, i shared the same sentiment of leaping off of a cliff. i understand that art can be stretched to the utmost limits these days, but really. not only is the naked male body not something that should be plastered in full frontals, but dudes playing basketball stark naked... ? yeah, try to sell that argument to me and i'll go buy a pogo stick.

play the blues, punk!

http://thejonspencerbluesexplosion.com/

in the midst of recent boredom of my music collection, i revisited many artists i had previously left behind for some odd reason. the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion is one of those bands that i liked but never loved. until now. funny how time passes and things relapse and old habits become new, but i'm now diggin' them more than ever. maybe it's the fact that i love R.L. Burnside so much and the fact that Jon Spencer had so much respect for him and Junior Kimbrough and the other lesser known blues legends that made me return to great albums like Orange and Now I Got Worry, but it just makes me think also about the fact that music, like books, is something that you can get sick of - but as soon as you let it be, you find yourself thinking right back to it.

i just apprehended the remastered versions of most of the Blues Explosion and i'm enjoying every ripping minute. i remember back when myself, Owen, and the jew saw the Blues Explosion open up for Modest Mouse before they became less modest and too popular. now this was in New Orleans in 2001 or so back when you could do whatever the fuck you wanted to do in New Orleans and it was cool - as long as you didn't stab anyone. now we were all in rare form because it was the jew's birthday and we were raring to get at it. plus, the Les Claypool Frog Brigade was opening for Galactic the next night, so this was just a warm up. without delving into any individual state of being, we were right on time and not expecting much from the show but a good time out, aural and visual stimulation to keep our minds focused, and New Orleans. but i'll honestly admit i've never felt compelled to plug my ears during a show - but Jon Spencer provided plenty of opportunity.

this was during the lesser vivid points in my life, so i'm bereft of detail, but i know one thing: the jew was having issues because the Blue Explosion was getting to him. this is when i know there's a force to be reckoned with. owen partook in less than the rest, but knew what we were seeing and we were both pretty much looking at each other in the most inquisitive way that says mutually, "jesus christ, these guys are fucking rocking my head." the awful girl with big lips from The Real World: New Orleans was there, and i'm very sure we scared her away. not rare form for us, but you can only share with those you respect. you were on tv. congrats. you still suck.

amongst the operative clouds around us at the CAC, no one was really paying much attention to the Blues Explosion; i mean, three white guys, one wearing leather pants who seems to try to sound too much like Elvis, playing "the blues" isn't too much of a draw for most people. but holy shit, these guys were doing for blues what R.L. did once he got Cedric and Kenny Brown behind him and turned up the electric sound. unreal. it was one of those quandaries where you peak after the opening band and the billed band is but background fodder. pretty much because i couldn't hear correctly after Jon Spencer left the stage. just the way i like it.

but i'm thoroughly enjoying my revisitation of the Blues Explosion and am hoping that i can catch them on the road sometime. in all honesty, i found it very strange that their records have been remastered since hardly anyone i know has ever heard of them. but i'm glad. very glad.

i miss R.L. a whole lot and if you ever read any interviews with Jon Spencer, it makes me feel good to listen to someone who literally stood in awe of such a man in his presence. i got chills reading a quote by Jon, regarding his recording An Ass Pocket of Whiskey with R.L. in Oxford, MS:

“It was pretty intimidating to go down [to Mississippi] and record with R.L. since he’s such an idol of mine,” says Spencer, who toured with the guitarist/singer in 1995. “You definitely get the feeling you’re playing for him, rather than with him."

my cousin was tour manager for R.L. and took him to Europe and such and tells me stories that make me appreciate R.L. for the simple man he was. i beat myself up every time i listen to the man regretting the fact that i took him for granted in my college years when he'd play frat house parties and R.L. wasn't the focus for me. fucking regret it every day. i've had the pleasure and luck to hang out with Kenny Brown and Cedric Burnside and relished every minute, i've shot the shit with B.B. King multiple times - but, now, can only imagine the complete awe i would feel to hang with R.L. and hear those stories in person.

these kinds of artists are the ones that never get the fame they deserve, but that's what i love. i don't even think the Blues Explosion wants the fame: they already own it. that's special. they haven't sold out and they won't. that's special. the blues is something special - and i'm not just talking about the Delta blues. there are other facets and the MS hill country blues is something that people like Kenny Brown are keeping alive. and you know what? Kenny doesn't want fame, recognition or anything of the like for himself. R.L. adopted him as his own son, and Kenny plays for R.L. and his family - not for himself. that's special. something you'll never see unless you're at Roosters on a slow night with Sox, drunk as hell listening to Kenny Brown wail on a slide guitar. nothin' like it.

lookin' for tour dates, Jon. play the blues, punk!

Eduardo Navas: i'm a fan

http://remixtheory.net/

i'm just sharing a site by author/blogger/scholar on Remix Theory, Eduardo Navas. my extreme interest in dub reggae and music as a whole brought me to this guy's writings and inspired me to think about dub as a cultural movement, not just a sub-genre of reggae. thanks, Eduardo.

you can read more about Eduardo and his work @ http://www.navasse.net/docs/index.php.

"tokyo compression" Michael Wolf

http://www.photomichaelwolf.com/tokyo_compression/index.html

a very cool photographic documentation of the misery of riding on a subway in Tokyo, Japan. boy, do these people look fucking miserable.

the other photography is pretty cool as well. check it out.

if i were ever to have to find myself in such a situation, i'd certainly rant about it. still, japan (or at least Tokyo) is not on my urgent "must see places" list.

excuse me, Mr. Awesome...

http://www.boingboing.net/2010/12/07/captain-awesome-and.html

kudos to the former Douglas Smith, who has formally changed his name to Captain Awesome. um... what can anyone say about this other than the fact that it's pretty awesome. of all the freedoms that we do or don't have, if you don't like your name, and you want to change it - apparently you can change it to pretty much whatever the fuck you want it to be.

and your signature can be a smiley face.

"Yes, Ma, we fought back... even though only with our mouths." -- Minke to Nyai Ontosoroh

http://www.npr.org/2010/12/10/131938174/for-china-s-absent-nobel-winner-a-lasting-reward

in the light of this morning's quasi-awarding of the Nobel Peace Prize, i'd like to give a big middle finger to China for being such a dickhead in regards to Liu Xiaobo and his freedom as a human being to express his personal thoughts through literature and social change. Liu is currently imprisoned and his wife is being held under house arrest - and because of this, because of China's relentless hold on their people's self expression, Liu will not technically receive the award, although it has been awarded to him by the Nobel committee. what a shame...

you can read all you want about Liu and this situation today in the news, but once i heard this, i immediately thought of a similar past situation in Indonesia, with an seldom-mentioned, little known author (at least in the western hemisphere) named Pramoedya Ananta Toer (commonly, as i will refer to him, known as Pram). you should read about him: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pramoedya_Ananta_Toer


basically, Pram was imprisoned for speaking out against the Suhartan regime in Indonesia through his literary works. he was imprisoned and banished to the island of Buru where he constructed his quartet of novels, The Buru Quartet, which narrates the story of a mixed race boy in Indonesia in the aftermath of the colonial Dutch rule over the country. post-colonialism is in full effect, Japanese immigrants are flowing into Indonesia to flee persecution in their own country, and the reader is given an in-depth look into racial, cultural, and political tensions in every facet of Indonesian life. this in-depth detail upset the government, leading them to ban the possession of any book written by Pram. many people went to jail in defiance for simply possessing a book. any similarities in today's news???

Pram was considered for the Nobel Prize for literature, yet his imprisonment and the government's attitude towards the author wouldn't allow such an award. he spent about 20 years in Buru, and upon release, he was put under house arrest until 1992. he died in 2006 from complications from diabetes and heart issues, suspected remnants from his abusive imprisonment in Buru. he also smoked the shit out of clove cigarettes.

i wrote a scholarly paper on the first book in The Buru Quartet, titled This Earth of Mankind, so i've done extensive research on Indonesian culture during the time of the Dutch pulling out of their colonial prowess in the country. i've also read enough about Pram to realize that he got screwed over in the very same fashion that Liu is getting screwed by over-controlling, communist government. at the time of the novel, post-colonial effects were just coming to light as Dutch officials elected local Indonesian powers, who in turn saw themselves as the "white" power in the country. the result was a widespread intensity of racial division and hatred, from the upper echelon of society (those in power) to the lower (peasants and mixed-race Indonesians). of course at the time, the Dutch rule remained while they claimed to be "pulling out" (hmmm, Iraq war, unprotected sex.... pulling out doesn't ever really seem to work, does it? always a trickle of something left behind... and that usually ain't no good). the dissidence caused by the writings of the protagonist in the novels, Minke (Indonesian for "monkey," as he was ridiculed by most everyone), puts him at great risk as the government, newspaper editors and backers, and most others in power saw him to be a great threat to the hold they all had over information and it's distribution to the people.

things never change: (from Wikipedia, unfortunately...)

This Earth of Mankind was banned by the Attorney General of Indonesia in 1981 on the grounds that it promoted Marxist-Leninist doctrines and Communism, even though neither doctrine is mentioned in the book.

Initially, the Ampat Lima printing house, which actually printed This Earth of Mankind, were asked not to produce any more works published by Hastra Mitra. The editors of major media organizations were contacted, to the effect that they were not allowed to review or praise This Earth of Mankind or any other of Pramoedya's works.

In April 1981, various New Order youth groups held discussion sessions which criticized the work of Pramoedya. These discussions were trumpeted by the mass media as evidence of the disapproval of 'the people'. Subsequently, these discussions provided an important justification for the eventual banning of the work by the Attorney General. New Order mouthpieces such as Suara Karya, Pelita and Karya Dharma began publishing criticisms of This Earth of Mankind and its author.

The Association of Indonesian Publishers (IKAPI), which were organizing an exhibition of the books of that year, suddenly sent a letter to the address of Hasta Mitra, revoking Hasta Mitra's membership in the association, despite the fact that the committee had been enthusiastic about inviting the publisher to become a member and be involved in its activities. Newspapers which had previously been sympathetic became increasingly reluctant to give space to the author, and there were even several pieces of writing, ready to be published, which were suddenly rejected just because their authors had praised the work of Pramoedya.

Finally, on the 29th May 1981, the Attorney General published regulation SK-052/JA/5/1981 about the banning of This Earth of Mankind and its sequel Child of All Nations (Anak Semua Bangsa). In the regulation, among other things, were mentioned a letter from Suharto which had been written a week previously, and a meeting with the Minister of the Interior on the 18th May 1981. The banning of the book was entirely political and had nothing to do with the books' literary qualities, scholarly arguments nor the official reason that the books were pro-communist.

All bookshops and agents were visited by people from the Attorney General's office and all copies of This Earth of Mankind and Child of All Nations were confiscated. In fact, several of them took the initiative and voluntarily surrendered copies of the books. However, by August 1981, only 972 copies of the books had been confiscated from the close to 20,000 copies in circulation.

In September 1981, the translator of This Earth of Mankind into English, Maxwell Lane, a staff member of the Australian Embassy in Jakarta, was recalled home by the Australian Government. The Ampat Lima company, which had originally printed the two novels also ceased trading because of pressure from the Attorney General's office and the Interior Ministry.

Pram didn't even write the books that make up the Buru Quartet. he orated the tales to his fellow inmates, who took up his prison work just to hear him continue the tales. he wasn't allowed a pencil or paper in prison. the power of words is far greater than that of the pen.

just think about it for a second though... in 1980, a novel written by Pram was banned and he was placed under house arrest. 1980 and the post-colonial powers of censorship and mandated silence are still in effect to the point that a - then - old man is forced to remain at home under the powers of the government, even after they kept him sequestered to a prison island. the most miraculous thing of all, and this is what completely amazes me about this man, is that his imprisonment is what lead to his most influential and powerful work. this is the thing that amazes me about post-colonial studies and cultures: the people who have been shat on, for centuries, bullied and put down by more powerful forces tend to produce the most powerful and most moving works of art. those whose governments strip them of most all human freedoms and they overcome with pure imagination and sheer will of the mind and the heart.

and still, today, this sheer will to be free and defy the powers that be is smothered by big government. not only is Liu suffering for exercising freedoms, but after the announcement of his Nobel Prize award, the Chinese government immediately placed his wife on house arrest - with no charge for any offense. how can these things be? i completely understand cultural and social difference - and also understand that just because i believe something should be blue doesn't mean that someone in China has to believe the same thing; yet, shouldn't they have the right to believe, even if they aren't allowed to paint it blue, that it should be blue. and have the right to speak out, "this should be blue." it's hard to believe these days with big government that one person can really scare the shit out of them to this point. today's imprisonment of Liu and the past imprisonment of Pram explicitly reflect a vile and blatant attack on individual human rights and freedoms.

maybe it's the fact that literature is taking a back seat to more popular and digital forms of media these days. no one reads anymore unless everyone's reading it (i.e. Steig Larsson's The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo). i've never come across another person in my life that's even heard of Pramoedya Ananta Toer, let alone read anything written by an Indonesian author. please, please, read more. buy books because they aren't going to be around (in print form) for very long. by 2014 the world will be digital and we'll be forced to read everything on a Kindle or electronic device. our eyes will begin to revolt and burn from constantly looking at a screen, rather than a printed page. you won't be able to underline your favorite passages; you won't be able to fold corners or scribble sudden breakthroughs in ideas that are storming through your head at the time you read a sentence...

if you want to change your perspective and enrich your life, read This Earth of Mankind. defy post-colonial bullshit and read what Indonesian governments are afraid you'll read. do the same with Liu's work. read it. learn something. get upset about things like this - we all should.

tic tac toe in the sky

as i was walking my dog yesterday, i noticed that a number of military jets were flying around. and what do ya know...

brains and eggs, bitch

http://www.npr.org/2010/12/09/131390073/for-some-girls-the-ultimate-goal-is-to-kill-a-buck

this is a straight up reaction post - not much time for it to sink in. but regardless, doesn't NPR have anything else better to do than make Mississippi sound more redneck? anyone?

not that they repeatedly report on things that just piss me off over and over again (i.e. another story this morning about a lady who had a car wreck that was obviously at her fault for not driving responsibly and wants the state of NY to pay for the recursive effects of her being in a wheelchair - now don't call me an asshole, but read the story: http://www.npr.org/2010/12/09/131912529/a-new-nursing-home-population-the-young) but this one just blared out a-w-f-u-l.

to begin, i'm from Mississippi and i grew up hunting - this isn't a journalistic jewel of any kind. it's tagged under the "Arts & Life > Hidden World of Girls" section. really??? deer hunting is a vital part of the "hidden world of girls"??? and this is news-worthy??? so basically, NPR went to Waynesboro, MS, and made this girl sound like a complete redneck. i'm not denying they aren't abundant in the state - nor am i denying a tinge of redneck in my own person - but when you do a story on a girl that likes to hunt, and one of the in-between paragraph quotes is, "I like to cheer. I like to hunt," you're not giving this girl a chance. by the way, the sound "byyyytes" don't help much either.

a little snippet:

Looking at Magan Hebert in her orange-and-blue cheerleading uniform, you'd never guess that she could shoot a rifle and kill a deer with a single shot.

Her hair is teased up and pinned back into a pouf. Her cheekbones and eyelids are defined with bold, colorful sweeps of makeup.

Magan, 15, of Wayne County, Miss., defies the typical image of a hunter — a man wearing camouflage, holding a gun.

"you'd never guess that [Magan] could shoot a rifle and kill a deer with a single shot," has got to be the most over-the-top, dramatic load of shit i've ever read. obviously, they're groping in the dark for this story in the first place - "her hair is teased up and pinned back in a pouf," blah, blah, blah, just threw up in my mouth. as much as i enjoy listening to NPR (not quite as much as i used to), the journalism is about as processed as velveeta cheese - it'll make you fat, filled with salty-fake flavor, and doesn't need refrigeration - and it's cheesy as shit.

another snippet of Magan's deep, multi-layered hunting philosophy:

She says she likes it when she sees a mother deer playing with her fawns. "I think it's cute. 'Cause, you know, you can't kill them yet. But when they grow up, it's really good food. I don't know. I just like it."

wow. mind boggling. for one thing, i'm glad they put this in there for the single reason that people hate on deer hunting because, typically, they have no idea about it. 'you're killing innocent animals,' and bullshit like that. i'm not getting into the intimate details because i don't need to defend my right and desire to hunt deer, but at least she realizes the on-going reason people hunt: human survival. at least Magan and her family eat what they kill - kudos. but back to the journalistic integrity of this report: NPR, could you really not find anyone with a little more to say? "you can't kill them yet [when they're fawns]????" i'm sorry, Magan, but did you notice the picture of you with the spike you killed? the spike that could have grown up and been a miraculous 10-12 point massive buck? i know i'm not giving credit to a young girl, but the credit i'm taking away is from this useless report by NPR.

then my attention turns to Magan and her hunting tactics:

It's still way before dawn and freezing cold when Magan and Marcy load into the truck and head out to the spot where the family hunts. It's in a private, wooded area. They have a stand — a small, slightly elevated shack with slits for windows. There's a feeder off in the distance that occasionally spreads corn and protein pellets on the ground.

Among hunters, baiting is controversial. It's illegal in some states but standard practice in Mississippi.

Marcy lights a propane camp heater inside the stand, but it's still cold.

Courtesy of Marcy Hebert

Magan killed her first deer when she was 10.

"Basically, what you watch for is — at the edge of the tree line, you watch for movement," Marcy says.

The sun is rising in the sky. The frost is melting off the grass. Magan and Marcy haven't seen a thing.

Magan flips open her phone and updates her Facebook status: "Sittin' in the stand, freezin', waitin' for the deer to come out," she taps out on the small keys.

She's texting, too, and occasionally nodding off. And Marcy says this is how it goes: sitting side by side in the quiet, staring out at trees and grass, hoping to see a deer and breaking the boredom with text messages.

"A lot of times we'd text back and forth, sitting in the stand," Marcy says. "That's how I learned how to text, was sitting in a deer stand with her."

A little before 9 a.m., they give up.

i have issues here. first, the baiting. the fact that it's "standard" in Mississippi doesn't relay the fact that it's frowned upon. maybe that's why this girl, who gets in her deer stand by 6am, updates her Facebook status and texts, nodding off, and then even before 9am, they "give up"!!! are you kidding me?? less than three hours in the stand and this girl inexplicably loves to hunt. hey Magan, does your dad skin the deer for you??? have you had brains and eggs yet??? i don't see blood smeared on your face in that picture with your first deer... do you butcher the deer too???? loving to hunt: that would be getting into the woods @ 5am before daylight sitting on the ground with a shotgun trying to stay still while coyotes and bobcats walk 3 feet behind you and sitting there until 11am and not seeing one damn deer all morning but still appeasing the urge to shoot that fucking squirrel that won't quit scurrying around and barking at you - now that's loving to hunt. baiting deer during the season is fucked up and cheating. i usually shoot the squirrel by 11am.

so we join Magan and her mom on her afternoon excursion when all of a sudden:

A spike, a young buck, walks into a clearing near the feeder. He's about 120 pounds, with just two small antlers. Magan starts texting excitedly.

"You'd better put the phone down and put the gun up," Marcy whispers firmly.

god damnit, can this story get any fucking worse!?!?!?! if i were in the stand with my grandfather when i was 10 or 12 years old, a deer walked out into the field and i started "texting excitedly," he would have whipped my ass. "you'd better put the phone down and put the gun up," is what her mom says to her. really? someone has to say this??? and what is she about to shoot....? another fucking spike. 120 lb. deer that is probably around 2 years old and hasn't had a chance to "grow up" and become the "big buck" that Magan wants so eagerly to kill (out of sheer jealousy of her brother's success at killing bigger deer). Magan, word to the wise hunter: stop shooting the young deer that you've already expressed one shouldn't shoot. you're not giving them the chance to become the buck you want to bag. spikes are easy to kill because they're young and stupid. the meat sucks, there's no trophy (i.e. antlers), and basically, you're keeping yourself down in your goals.

Within the hour, Magan's dad will butcher the deer, filling a cooler with the meat.

just as i suspected, Magan neither helps skin nor butcher the deer - which is part of the work. you don't just get to kill the deer - it doesn't end there. you can't eat the sonofabitch if you don't skin it. you can't eat the meat if you don't butcher it. to Magan's dad - you're a hell of a man to do your daughter's work, but make her work for what she kills, please.

so NPR, as much of a "story" as you find this to be, experience the South more often. this isn't news - plenty of girls hunt. both of my nieces hunt and they're 12 and 10. they know not to shoot spikes and they know that they'll at least (at this point in their lives) have to experience and witness the skinning/butchering to know what to expect when they kill their next one. makes you think twice about slugging the dumb spike that walks 12 feet in front of you everyday. to boot, the writing in this story - trying to girlify the story so that it will seem like such a breakthrough that a girl hunts deer (specifically the second sentence about her hair teased and blah blah bullshit) - is terrible. just plain awful. it doesn't work and it's not news. sorry to burst the bubble.

Mr. Haberny doesn't get his

i don't have much to say bout this post, more just to share and say that this guy might be taking things a little too far. granted, giving people shit is very gratifying and self-serving, but sometimes you need to know when to call it quits.

i only know about Cash4Gold.com from tv commercials and i know that they want you to send them your gold and they'll pay you for it. this guy painted rocks gold and sent them in... three times. is that as creative as he could get, sending painted rocks in and trying to pass them off as gold? i mean, if this stunt had any sustenance to it, it would be laughable - but it's not just the superficial stunt that takes the cake. this one has layers - like an onion (melissa....).

Mr. Haberny claims he found his "gold" on a soul searching pilgrimage to Tibet with a quadriplegic hooker he picked up in Singapore. how interesting is that??? attention officially grabbed. i'm no fucking idiot who believes this - it's the fact that he puts this much thought into a bogus story for sending in painted rocks, passing them off for gold. to boot, he requested a cool, round number of $1,423,061.92 for his rocks. nice move.

if that's not enough, he sends a petition for a "greaseless, backdoor, Hammertime lovemaking session" with two of the female telemarketers for the company, a move which they cite in the letter as being "feral and preposterous." up to this point, i almost want to stand up and applaud this guy's valiant efforts and then he crosses the line.

his request to have Ed McMahon host his birthday party at McDonald's goes to far. i agree with Cash4Gold on this one - it's a bit disrespectful to Ed and certainly isn't going to help his cause in any way. actually, it's very detrimental because it seems like his assholish efforts have gone astray to nincompoopery. everything up to this point - the hooker, crazy demands, Hammertime lovemaking sessions - has kept me captivated but that's like making a joke about Jerry's kids... the book is open but you don't necessarily have to read from it.

either way, kudos to you, Mr. Haberny, for giving 'em the business and at least trying to stick it to the man. unfortunately for you, you seem to have taken your shenanigans a bit too far - far enough in fact to excite a signed letter from a certain Jeff Aronson, whose time you truly wasted in three failed attempts to get yours; but Mr. Haberney, this is gold - and we're in America. America doesn't fuck around with gold and, apparently, neither does Cash4Gold. so go ahead and send 'em another letter. why the hell not?

Dear Answer Man, please get your answers from someone else.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/blog/big_league_stew/post/Answer-Man-Luke-Scott-talks-Nugent-hunting-and?urn=mlb-292970

just a snippet of the "controversial" remarks made by a formerly unknown baseball player for the Baltimore Orioles, Luke Scott:

"(Obama) was not born here," Scott asserted to Answer Man in the session's last segment. "That's my belief. I was born here. If someone accuses me of not being born here, I can go — within 10 minutes — to my filing cabinet and I can pick up my real birth certificate and I can go, 'See? Look! Here it is. Here it is.' The man has dodged everything. He dodges questions, he doesn't answer anything."

ok, so first off, this was the first story in the news on yahoo! today. really? i mean, i've heard enough about wikileaks to want to pound my head against the wall - but at least it has some type of relevance that makes me want to listen. now Luke Scott - who the fuck are you anyway? never heard your name mentioned before today, and now, since you made a remark about the president not being a born american, you're significant???

in all honesty, half of what LeBron or any other sports star (i use "star" sparingly as Luke Scott is obviously not one) is about as relevant to me as the thing i just spit on the sidewalk. maybe Luke should hold a press conference to let us know that he's taking his talents to the political podium - i.e. he's going to be a professional bullshitter.

while i will give a slight bit of credit to the point he's trying to make (about 3 years too late - as if we haven't heard this before - i mean seriously why is this still news???? he's president and he isn't doing that great of a job - you elected him - get over it), what is the point of even highlighting this guys opinion as headlining news on a major internet website? and then (unfortunately) i keep reading and see this:

oh boy, howdy! where to begin... first, he's an oklahoma state fan. saw plenty of them at the Cotton Bowl in 2009 and they still play flag football in the Big 12. pussies.
moving along to attire... what in the fuck is he smoking wearing that shit? bet he's a big Ed Hardy fan. so then he's holding up a picture of some massive bucks that apparently he and some other guy killed. this is obviously brought out to protect his manhood - the shattering of which took place as his head protruded through the hole in that fucking terrible shirt.

at some point in the interview, the discussion leads to Ted Nugent. Luke Scott says,"I'm a big fan of Ted Nugent because he's a 'keep it real' type of guy." Luke, if Ted saw you wearing that shirt and talking your good ol' boy huntin' bullshit, he might have the cross hairs on your bearded head before you realize it. keep it real, Luke: keep your ass on the baseball field or the tree stand. here's where Luke's keeping it real goes wrong...

so then Luke begins to talk about politics. i'm not defiling my blog with his jibber jabber, but some points he brings up are:
1. communism in Venezuela (even though it's socialism - but apparently there's no difference to Luke)
2. obama not being born in the US - see image below:

(Luke, your unbeknown credibility is rapidly diminishing....)

3. and other nincompooperies...

it's hardly worth even considering, but where did this interview go wrong???? oh yeah, when you ask someone about their opinions on politics. i mean, go back and re-read the entire interview and you'll see where the tone completely changes - the 2nd amendment. and apparently Luke is an experience fountain of knowledge about seeking out bad intentions in all facets of the world: "I've seen it in every — it doesn't matter what level. It can be in politics, it can be in business, it can be in sports, it can be in the construction field. Doesn't matter. It's all the same attitude. It's the same thing." sort of like how communism and socialism are the same thing. nice broad generalizations there, Luke. i sure would like to hear your views on homosexuality or abortion or gay marriage... aw shucks, i doesn't matter. they're all basically the same attitudes so they're basically the same things.

at this point i'm done with this interview (wondering why i even spent this much time on it) and reflecting on how fucking stupid it is that this is the premier headline on yahoo!. then i begin to reflect on the fact that i will never be utilizing yahoo! again for news - off to the wayside with you, USA Today and Fox News. but it really doesn't matter. they're all the same attitudes. it's all the same.

"fuck you, you fucking fuck!"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuck

this one is dedicated to Urbanspoon and what they can go do with themselves...

below is the most recent and most likely the last feedback email i'll send Urbanspoon and their cast of nincompoops. mainly to throw their absurd disdain for the English language back into their faces:

you recently deleted my account - about which i could care less. but i just wanted you folks to know that what you consider offensive - fuck and shit - is no longer considered to be so offensive. for example:

"In 1928, D. H. Lawrence's novel Lady Chatterley's Lover gained notoriety for its frequent use of the words fuck, fucked, and fucking."
---- i bet you i can still find DH Lawrence books on the shelf at any bookstore - is classic literature written by some of the greatest authors every offensive? apparently not. as a matter of face, DH Lawrence wrote a short book called St. Mawr where a woman actually fantasizes about the lustful feelings she has for a horse - a horse so beautiful, graceful, and strong that these feelings are invoked within her. go read more.

"Perhaps the earliest usage of the word in popular music was the 1938 Eddy Duchin release of the Louis Armstrong song "Ol' Man Mose". The words created a scandal at the time, resulting in sales of 170,000 copies during the Great Depression years when sales of 20,000 were considered blockbuster. The verse reads:

(We believe) He kicked the bucket,
(We believe) Yeah man, buck-buck-bucket,
(We believe) He kicked the bucket and ol' man mose is dead,
(We believe) Ahh, fuck it!
(We believe) Buck-buck-bucket,
(We believe) He kicked the bucket and ol' man mose is dead.

---- if you consider a Louis Armstrong song offensive, just consider what he went through to become what he was and is today. and you think he cared ONE BIT that using FUCK in his song was offensive????? by the way, people were offended by this in 1938. get with the fucking times.

"The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger featured an early use of fuck you in print. First published in the United States in 1951, the novel remains controversial to this day due to its use of the word, standing at number 13 for the most banned books from 1990–2000 according to the American Library Association. The book offers a blunt portrayal of the main character's reaction to the existence of the word, and all that it means."
---- this puts your website in the same category as book burning/banning assholes - people who don't only want to keep people from giving their unbridled reactions to the existence of the world and all that it means but also want to keep people from reading these things. if experiences in the world are not shared amongst the human race, how will i ever be able to find out a truly good place to eat when i go to denver next week when you censor or delete all of the raw, telling reviews???

One of the earliest mainstream Hollywood movies to use the word fuck was director Robert Altman's irreverent antiwar film, MASH, released in 1970 at the height of the Vietnam War. During the football game sequence about three-quarters of the way through the film, one of the MASH linemen says to an 8063rd offensive player, "All right, bud, your fuckin' head is coming right off."
---- classic movie that i bet you all watched at some point in your life (wait, i take that back. you bunch of lallygaggers probably think it's just a tv show...). did you turn it off or throw it away when you heard that line??? i bet you didn't. hypocrites.

and finally, "Also, former Beatle John Lennon's 1971 release "Working Class Hero" featured use of the word, which was rare in music at the time and caused it to, at most, be played only in segments on the radio."
---- remember what happened when they tried to censor the Beatles??? it made them even bigger. in memorium of John Lennon (who coincidentally was shot and killed 30 years ago to this day), fuck you, Urbanspoon. it was people just like John Lennon that changed the world by saying things that the general public didn't like to hear. and look how it turned out: the world loses a great writer/thinker/activist because of some dipshit from that very general public.

so this will probably end my little tiff with Urbanspoon because i doubt they have the balls to respond to being such stiff-necked pricks. or they might just figure that they'll be adding fuel to the fire. your move, assholes.

where you goin', little piggy?

"i thought it would never come to this.... but the guy gave the pig a venereal disease"

we're coming right out of the shadow of last week's recognition of World AIDS Day, and then this week i get an interesting email from a hometown friend: the article above. now, being from the MS delta, shit like this really doesn't surprise me; however, if you read closely enough, it comes to be that the swine owner had to take the pigs to the vet because the pigs were given vaginal infections from multiple (12!!!!) sexual assaults by some sicko named Andrew Lee Nash, some 52 year old loser who is so desperate to get laid that he decides to hole up in a pig pen. what a pimp.

pause. back up. re-read.

the pig got a vaginal infection from some sicko who apparently likes to give it to farm animals. now, the reason i mention World AIDS Day is the whole theory that people got AIDS from having sexual relations with monkeys (now don't even start - i'm neither condemn nor condone any theory about AIDS), but just think... maybe humans gave monkeys AIDS.... because if a pig is so desirable to a human (if you consider Mr. Nash to be so), there's got to be another demented sonofabitch out there who got similar ideas about monkeys - considering they aren't too far from humans... except that they're about a million times more entertaining... especially in top hats.

either way, this dude needs to be made an example. castration? absolutely. lobotomy? nah, the sonofabitch is already dumb enough to repeatedly assault pig vaginae so no need to make him dumber. either way he's useless to society - but i'll guarantee you he'll be out and about quicker than some dude arrested for a quarter bag of weed.

either way, can anyone think of anything more disturbing than having sex with farm animals? well i can: giving farm animals a fucking venereal disease. in all seriousness, this really fucks up this pig farmer's business i would imagine. a diseased pig isn't really an ideal thing to have around the farm. plus, these pigs (multiple pigs were assaulted...) will now have to explain to the studs that some sicko gave them VD. how embarrassing... also, you have this scumbag running around fucking pigs and no telling what else.

in my opinion (and what the fuck do i know, anyway?), such unnatural intercourse deserves quite an unnatural course of action. honestly, this guy just might enjoy going to prison - shit, at least he'll get sexually assaulted by a human or vice versa. i'd hope the prison officials warn the fellow inmates that this guy gave multiple pigs VD from multiple sexual assaults. then we could just bypass the prison system and someone would end up solving this real quick like. after all, who would want to be stuck in a 10 ft. cell with a pig fucker?

Kiki's green chile chicken enchiladas

the perfect end to a shitty day.

Ken, let the chest hair out!!! your shiny, greasy forehead is begging you!!!!

Ken, let the chest hair out!!! your shiny, greasy forehead is begging you!!!!

my first post goes out to Urbanspoon and one of their moderators, the douchebag to your left, Ken Goldstein (honestly i don't care if he is really or not, but the sonofabitch deleted my posts "for any reason he deemed necessary" so to me, he's a douchebag). i've been on Urbanspoon for a few years now, mainly for my own benefit in remembering where i've eaten great meals and where never to return for a meal. now, like any other right thinking, real individual (and as you'll see in this blog probably more than you'd care to), i utilize profanity in an effective way to describe, for instance, how fucking terrible a restaurant or dish could actually be. i utilize profanity everyday, in my teaching, and it is effective - you just probably don't use it as well or as often as i do. tisk, tisk.

so back to Urbanspoon, i reviewed a shit-hole "sushi" restaurant called "The Sushi Place" (what imagination!) in El Paso, TX. when you have a meal that you literally describe to yourself and your dinner companion as "the worst fucking meal i've ever had," how else are you supposed to purport such a raw, immediate and natural reaction without really stating what you think??? so here's my original review:

Sushi Place avoid it like the plague
December 01, 2010

"this is THE absolute WORST restaurant i've been to in a while. i am not going to call it a sushi restaurant b/c it isn't sushi - it's americanized wannabe japanese rolled food. the salmon was brownish-yellow, nothing was fresh, the rice was terrible. THEY DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT PONZU SAUCE IS!!!!! every roll has cream cheese in it or else it's deep fried. obviously a group of mexican folks got the good idea to open a sushi restaurant in Kern and here you go - the most un-authentic japanese food ever.

don't go. don't do it. even if you want to, go to Bonsai or somewhere else."

so then i get a message from Ken asking me, "Can you please repost your comments without using profanity." never received one of these in the past, so naturally i took immediate interest. didn't really have that much to do at the time anyway, and, unfortunately for Ken, he picked the wrong day to do this. so i figured i'd keep him busy for a while.

naturally i got extremely perturbed to see my review deleted. and so Urbanspoon's censorship is only fuel to the fire and - without wasting your time - i reposted profanity in my reviews, only to find them deleted by the next day. then i go back to my past reviews that i distinctly remembered utilizing profanity to describe the sheer disappointment, only to find them gone. Ken, you sonofabitch...

Ken keeps sending me messages in response to my advice to them to keep the internet free. censorship on a free sharing site such as Urbanspoon is absurd. so apparently this is their policy:

"We reserve the right to delete any review for any reason, especially reviews that are irrelevant or offensive."

any review for any reason... broad enough for you? if a "sushi" restaurant doesn't 1) serve ponzu sauce or 2) even know how to FUCKING make it, i would consider not only my comment but also my emphasis to be extremely relevant - and the fact that the words "fuck" and "shit" are offensive to a lesser percentage of the population to be extremely irrelevant (a future posting will be a historical rundown of the significance of the word "fuck" - and i'm going to fucking dedicate it to Ken "fucking" Goldstein). i truly find it offensive that a sushi restaurant is allowed to operate when the food they serve is complete bullshit - and then, to add insult to tomorrow's injury to my stomach and lower intestine, they don't have the staple japanese condiments that would make their shit-for-food otherwise palatable. but according to Urbanspoon, i'm the offensive one. go tell these other stupid fucks who rave positively about this disgrace of a restaurant how offended i am by their utter stupidity and ignorance. oh, but wait... these are the people that populate Urbanspoon's forums and apparently moderate the site as well.

i'm really going to miss Ken and his shiny forehead moderating my restaurant reviews and projecting his high and mighty assholishness onto other people who express their honest opinions about restaurants so that other people can either get a laugh or not choose to eat at a sham of a restaurant. "fuck" you, Urbanspoon, because you're "shit" for a user-sharing forum.

UPDATE:
Urbanspoon has now deleted my account. what a bunch of judgmental pieces of shit. once i get some downtime, i'll be sure to create bogus accounts and just riddle the whole damn site with profanity. please join the fun and NOT use Urbanspoon. you can say what you like on Yelp!