who nose?

why don't dogs get boogers?  as much sniffing as they do in dirt and around the ground, their noses or snouts or whatever you want to call them never get stuffed up with solid boogers.  upon a quick google search, i'm not the only one who wonders this:

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ie=UTF-8&ion=1#hl=en&sclient=psy-ab&q=why%20don't%20dogs%20get%20boogers&oq=&gs_l=&pbx=1&fp=89dccf89cf1c3a70&ion=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.r_qf.,cf.osb&biw=1282&bih=720

i have a dog and she gets sick but i've never seen a solid glob of snot come out of her.  and she sneezes all over me all of the time.  my guess (without reading the general population's edumacated guesses) is that their nose/snout is generally much wetter than the human nose and also lacks nose hairs, which for us humans catches dust and shit like that to eventually form into solid or semi-solid boogers.  dogs also sweat through their mouth and nose, but still you would think something would get caught up in there and generally start to bulk up.

i have no idea where i'm going with this but i just thought about it.  so there.

livin' booger free.

kudos to phish

for the first time in years, probably since 2004, i have valid reason to give phish positive praise for something they've done: webcasting shows. it's really a brilliant idea, in all honesty. i mean, put yourself in their shoes: they're already getting more or less $75 per ticket and sell out every show with no problems at all. Why not make $15 more bucks and sell the show on the internet to (at the very least) twice as many people than you're reaching solely in the venue. with the festival streams this summer (hangout, bonnaroo, etc.), shit - now i don't have to pay for over-priced festival tickets, rent a condo, deal with the festivality in all its entirety.

i can't even begin to explain how nice it is to have the following taken away from the "going-to-see-a-phish-show" experience:

1. the fucking scuds - i don't have to hear "moooooooolllllyyyyyy" or get hit up for smokes by every anti-showering hippie in the place. as a matter of fact, i don't even have to walk around the entire lot, or park my car, or do any of that shit. i'm on the couch. all the heady bros are at the show sweating it up and brah'in out in their own wookie ass way, and i don't have to deal with even one of 'em.
2. this is an extension of point 1, regarding the crowd, and i don't need to explain this any further: "A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole."--Frank Zappa
3. a/c - i'm sitting comfortably in my recliner, drinking old charter, and am comfortable. i'm not fighting over seats, scheming to sneak over the rail when the usher isn't looking, watching out for wookies who are doing just that... and i'm in the confines of my very own home. plus, i have my own shitter to go to when they play "wading in the velveeta cheese" or any other flimsy new song they purport.
4. soundboard - i actually get to see the band (which isn't that great now because as cheesy as trey has gotten, with the signs and all and the singing along, i just don't get it). i think the theory that as musical artist get older, they just naturally cheese out - so it seems to be heading in such a direction for phish. i predict that in the next year, going to see a phish show will be eerily similar to watching an episode of espn college gameday, with all the signs and overbearing crowd participation. playing songs that people write on signs - that's not the spontinaeity i'm looking for in such a band. don't take cues from the people in the crowd. please.
5. did i mention that i have my very own shitter? just can't beat that.

so, i tip my hat to the boys - the first tip of such a hat in a long time. i'm glad that people are enjoying it, that they're playing the songs correctly (at least - although they're "banging them out" more so than in the past), and seem like they're having fun.

i'm sick of James Franco

why is it that James Franco, an actor, goes back to film school and, because he's an actor, people are just bedazzled by his awful films??? i know why: because he's just so damn hot. this is what's ruining america. this and the fashionably terrible mustache. did i mention how much i love trends and those that dive into them?

simply because he is a famous, lusted-after-by-most-every-woman actor... so hip and so trendy... meanwhile, there are actual "film makers" who make films worth watching - sadly most of us will never see them. yet, james franco gets write-ups in Esquire and such magazines on a regular basis. honestly, i think Esquire just wants to suck his dick.

here's a clip from his student film The Feast of Stephen which is not at all incredible in any sense of the word: http://www.movieline.com/2010/02/hang-time-its-james-francos-queer-naked-basketball-short-nsfw.php

after watching this short clip, like the boy at the end who leaps over a wall, i shared the same sentiment of leaping off of a cliff. i understand that art can be stretched to the utmost limits these days, but really. not only is the naked male body not something that should be plastered in full frontals, but dudes playing basketball stark naked... ? yeah, try to sell that argument to me and i'll go buy a pogo stick.

"fuck you, you fucking fuck!"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuck

this one is dedicated to Urbanspoon and what they can go do with themselves...

below is the most recent and most likely the last feedback email i'll send Urbanspoon and their cast of nincompoops. mainly to throw their absurd disdain for the English language back into their faces:

you recently deleted my account - about which i could care less. but i just wanted you folks to know that what you consider offensive - fuck and shit - is no longer considered to be so offensive. for example:

"In 1928, D. H. Lawrence's novel Lady Chatterley's Lover gained notoriety for its frequent use of the words fuck, fucked, and fucking."
---- i bet you i can still find DH Lawrence books on the shelf at any bookstore - is classic literature written by some of the greatest authors every offensive? apparently not. as a matter of face, DH Lawrence wrote a short book called St. Mawr where a woman actually fantasizes about the lustful feelings she has for a horse - a horse so beautiful, graceful, and strong that these feelings are invoked within her. go read more.

"Perhaps the earliest usage of the word in popular music was the 1938 Eddy Duchin release of the Louis Armstrong song "Ol' Man Mose". The words created a scandal at the time, resulting in sales of 170,000 copies during the Great Depression years when sales of 20,000 were considered blockbuster. The verse reads:

(We believe) He kicked the bucket,
(We believe) Yeah man, buck-buck-bucket,
(We believe) He kicked the bucket and ol' man mose is dead,
(We believe) Ahh, fuck it!
(We believe) Buck-buck-bucket,
(We believe) He kicked the bucket and ol' man mose is dead.

---- if you consider a Louis Armstrong song offensive, just consider what he went through to become what he was and is today. and you think he cared ONE BIT that using FUCK in his song was offensive????? by the way, people were offended by this in 1938. get with the fucking times.

"The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger featured an early use of fuck you in print. First published in the United States in 1951, the novel remains controversial to this day due to its use of the word, standing at number 13 for the most banned books from 1990–2000 according to the American Library Association. The book offers a blunt portrayal of the main character's reaction to the existence of the word, and all that it means."
---- this puts your website in the same category as book burning/banning assholes - people who don't only want to keep people from giving their unbridled reactions to the existence of the world and all that it means but also want to keep people from reading these things. if experiences in the world are not shared amongst the human race, how will i ever be able to find out a truly good place to eat when i go to denver next week when you censor or delete all of the raw, telling reviews???

One of the earliest mainstream Hollywood movies to use the word fuck was director Robert Altman's irreverent antiwar film, MASH, released in 1970 at the height of the Vietnam War. During the football game sequence about three-quarters of the way through the film, one of the MASH linemen says to an 8063rd offensive player, "All right, bud, your fuckin' head is coming right off."
---- classic movie that i bet you all watched at some point in your life (wait, i take that back. you bunch of lallygaggers probably think it's just a tv show...). did you turn it off or throw it away when you heard that line??? i bet you didn't. hypocrites.

and finally, "Also, former Beatle John Lennon's 1971 release "Working Class Hero" featured use of the word, which was rare in music at the time and caused it to, at most, be played only in segments on the radio."
---- remember what happened when they tried to censor the Beatles??? it made them even bigger. in memorium of John Lennon (who coincidentally was shot and killed 30 years ago to this day), fuck you, Urbanspoon. it was people just like John Lennon that changed the world by saying things that the general public didn't like to hear. and look how it turned out: the world loses a great writer/thinker/activist because of some dipshit from that very general public.

so this will probably end my little tiff with Urbanspoon because i doubt they have the balls to respond to being such stiff-necked pricks. or they might just figure that they'll be adding fuel to the fire. your move, assholes.