brains and eggs, bitch

http://www.npr.org/2010/12/09/131390073/for-some-girls-the-ultimate-goal-is-to-kill-a-buck

this is a straight up reaction post - not much time for it to sink in. but regardless, doesn't NPR have anything else better to do than make Mississippi sound more redneck? anyone?

not that they repeatedly report on things that just piss me off over and over again (i.e. another story this morning about a lady who had a car wreck that was obviously at her fault for not driving responsibly and wants the state of NY to pay for the recursive effects of her being in a wheelchair - now don't call me an asshole, but read the story: http://www.npr.org/2010/12/09/131912529/a-new-nursing-home-population-the-young) but this one just blared out a-w-f-u-l.

to begin, i'm from Mississippi and i grew up hunting - this isn't a journalistic jewel of any kind. it's tagged under the "Arts & Life > Hidden World of Girls" section. really??? deer hunting is a vital part of the "hidden world of girls"??? and this is news-worthy??? so basically, NPR went to Waynesboro, MS, and made this girl sound like a complete redneck. i'm not denying they aren't abundant in the state - nor am i denying a tinge of redneck in my own person - but when you do a story on a girl that likes to hunt, and one of the in-between paragraph quotes is, "I like to cheer. I like to hunt," you're not giving this girl a chance. by the way, the sound "byyyytes" don't help much either.

a little snippet:

Looking at Magan Hebert in her orange-and-blue cheerleading uniform, you'd never guess that she could shoot a rifle and kill a deer with a single shot.

Her hair is teased up and pinned back into a pouf. Her cheekbones and eyelids are defined with bold, colorful sweeps of makeup.

Magan, 15, of Wayne County, Miss., defies the typical image of a hunter — a man wearing camouflage, holding a gun.

"you'd never guess that [Magan] could shoot a rifle and kill a deer with a single shot," has got to be the most over-the-top, dramatic load of shit i've ever read. obviously, they're groping in the dark for this story in the first place - "her hair is teased up and pinned back in a pouf," blah, blah, blah, just threw up in my mouth. as much as i enjoy listening to NPR (not quite as much as i used to), the journalism is about as processed as velveeta cheese - it'll make you fat, filled with salty-fake flavor, and doesn't need refrigeration - and it's cheesy as shit.

another snippet of Magan's deep, multi-layered hunting philosophy:

She says she likes it when she sees a mother deer playing with her fawns. "I think it's cute. 'Cause, you know, you can't kill them yet. But when they grow up, it's really good food. I don't know. I just like it."

wow. mind boggling. for one thing, i'm glad they put this in there for the single reason that people hate on deer hunting because, typically, they have no idea about it. 'you're killing innocent animals,' and bullshit like that. i'm not getting into the intimate details because i don't need to defend my right and desire to hunt deer, but at least she realizes the on-going reason people hunt: human survival. at least Magan and her family eat what they kill - kudos. but back to the journalistic integrity of this report: NPR, could you really not find anyone with a little more to say? "you can't kill them yet [when they're fawns]????" i'm sorry, Magan, but did you notice the picture of you with the spike you killed? the spike that could have grown up and been a miraculous 10-12 point massive buck? i know i'm not giving credit to a young girl, but the credit i'm taking away is from this useless report by NPR.

then my attention turns to Magan and her hunting tactics:

It's still way before dawn and freezing cold when Magan and Marcy load into the truck and head out to the spot where the family hunts. It's in a private, wooded area. They have a stand — a small, slightly elevated shack with slits for windows. There's a feeder off in the distance that occasionally spreads corn and protein pellets on the ground.

Among hunters, baiting is controversial. It's illegal in some states but standard practice in Mississippi.

Marcy lights a propane camp heater inside the stand, but it's still cold.

Courtesy of Marcy Hebert

Magan killed her first deer when she was 10.

"Basically, what you watch for is — at the edge of the tree line, you watch for movement," Marcy says.

The sun is rising in the sky. The frost is melting off the grass. Magan and Marcy haven't seen a thing.

Magan flips open her phone and updates her Facebook status: "Sittin' in the stand, freezin', waitin' for the deer to come out," she taps out on the small keys.

She's texting, too, and occasionally nodding off. And Marcy says this is how it goes: sitting side by side in the quiet, staring out at trees and grass, hoping to see a deer and breaking the boredom with text messages.

"A lot of times we'd text back and forth, sitting in the stand," Marcy says. "That's how I learned how to text, was sitting in a deer stand with her."

A little before 9 a.m., they give up.

i have issues here. first, the baiting. the fact that it's "standard" in Mississippi doesn't relay the fact that it's frowned upon. maybe that's why this girl, who gets in her deer stand by 6am, updates her Facebook status and texts, nodding off, and then even before 9am, they "give up"!!! are you kidding me?? less than three hours in the stand and this girl inexplicably loves to hunt. hey Magan, does your dad skin the deer for you??? have you had brains and eggs yet??? i don't see blood smeared on your face in that picture with your first deer... do you butcher the deer too???? loving to hunt: that would be getting into the woods @ 5am before daylight sitting on the ground with a shotgun trying to stay still while coyotes and bobcats walk 3 feet behind you and sitting there until 11am and not seeing one damn deer all morning but still appeasing the urge to shoot that fucking squirrel that won't quit scurrying around and barking at you - now that's loving to hunt. baiting deer during the season is fucked up and cheating. i usually shoot the squirrel by 11am.

so we join Magan and her mom on her afternoon excursion when all of a sudden:

A spike, a young buck, walks into a clearing near the feeder. He's about 120 pounds, with just two small antlers. Magan starts texting excitedly.

"You'd better put the phone down and put the gun up," Marcy whispers firmly.

god damnit, can this story get any fucking worse!?!?!?! if i were in the stand with my grandfather when i was 10 or 12 years old, a deer walked out into the field and i started "texting excitedly," he would have whipped my ass. "you'd better put the phone down and put the gun up," is what her mom says to her. really? someone has to say this??? and what is she about to shoot....? another fucking spike. 120 lb. deer that is probably around 2 years old and hasn't had a chance to "grow up" and become the "big buck" that Magan wants so eagerly to kill (out of sheer jealousy of her brother's success at killing bigger deer). Magan, word to the wise hunter: stop shooting the young deer that you've already expressed one shouldn't shoot. you're not giving them the chance to become the buck you want to bag. spikes are easy to kill because they're young and stupid. the meat sucks, there's no trophy (i.e. antlers), and basically, you're keeping yourself down in your goals.

Within the hour, Magan's dad will butcher the deer, filling a cooler with the meat.

just as i suspected, Magan neither helps skin nor butcher the deer - which is part of the work. you don't just get to kill the deer - it doesn't end there. you can't eat the sonofabitch if you don't skin it. you can't eat the meat if you don't butcher it. to Magan's dad - you're a hell of a man to do your daughter's work, but make her work for what she kills, please.

so NPR, as much of a "story" as you find this to be, experience the South more often. this isn't news - plenty of girls hunt. both of my nieces hunt and they're 12 and 10. they know not to shoot spikes and they know that they'll at least (at this point in their lives) have to experience and witness the skinning/butchering to know what to expect when they kill their next one. makes you think twice about slugging the dumb spike that walks 12 feet in front of you everyday. to boot, the writing in this story - trying to girlify the story so that it will seem like such a breakthrough that a girl hunts deer (specifically the second sentence about her hair teased and blah blah bullshit) - is terrible. just plain awful. it doesn't work and it's not news. sorry to burst the bubble.