Ken, let the chest hair out!!! your shiny, greasy forehead is begging you!!!!

Ken, let the chest hair out!!! your shiny, greasy forehead is begging you!!!!

my first post goes out to Urbanspoon and one of their moderators, the douchebag to your left, Ken Goldstein (honestly i don't care if he is really or not, but the sonofabitch deleted my posts "for any reason he deemed necessary" so to me, he's a douchebag). i've been on Urbanspoon for a few years now, mainly for my own benefit in remembering where i've eaten great meals and where never to return for a meal. now, like any other right thinking, real individual (and as you'll see in this blog probably more than you'd care to), i utilize profanity in an effective way to describe, for instance, how fucking terrible a restaurant or dish could actually be. i utilize profanity everyday, in my teaching, and it is effective - you just probably don't use it as well or as often as i do. tisk, tisk.

so back to Urbanspoon, i reviewed a shit-hole "sushi" restaurant called "The Sushi Place" (what imagination!) in El Paso, TX. when you have a meal that you literally describe to yourself and your dinner companion as "the worst fucking meal i've ever had," how else are you supposed to purport such a raw, immediate and natural reaction without really stating what you think??? so here's my original review:

Sushi Place avoid it like the plague
December 01, 2010

"this is THE absolute WORST restaurant i've been to in a while. i am not going to call it a sushi restaurant b/c it isn't sushi - it's americanized wannabe japanese rolled food. the salmon was brownish-yellow, nothing was fresh, the rice was terrible. THEY DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT PONZU SAUCE IS!!!!! every roll has cream cheese in it or else it's deep fried. obviously a group of mexican folks got the good idea to open a sushi restaurant in Kern and here you go - the most un-authentic japanese food ever.

don't go. don't do it. even if you want to, go to Bonsai or somewhere else."

so then i get a message from Ken asking me, "Can you please repost your comments without using profanity." never received one of these in the past, so naturally i took immediate interest. didn't really have that much to do at the time anyway, and, unfortunately for Ken, he picked the wrong day to do this. so i figured i'd keep him busy for a while.

naturally i got extremely perturbed to see my review deleted. and so Urbanspoon's censorship is only fuel to the fire and - without wasting your time - i reposted profanity in my reviews, only to find them deleted by the next day. then i go back to my past reviews that i distinctly remembered utilizing profanity to describe the sheer disappointment, only to find them gone. Ken, you sonofabitch...

Ken keeps sending me messages in response to my advice to them to keep the internet free. censorship on a free sharing site such as Urbanspoon is absurd. so apparently this is their policy:

"We reserve the right to delete any review for any reason, especially reviews that are irrelevant or offensive."

any review for any reason... broad enough for you? if a "sushi" restaurant doesn't 1) serve ponzu sauce or 2) even know how to FUCKING make it, i would consider not only my comment but also my emphasis to be extremely relevant - and the fact that the words "fuck" and "shit" are offensive to a lesser percentage of the population to be extremely irrelevant (a future posting will be a historical rundown of the significance of the word "fuck" - and i'm going to fucking dedicate it to Ken "fucking" Goldstein). i truly find it offensive that a sushi restaurant is allowed to operate when the food they serve is complete bullshit - and then, to add insult to tomorrow's injury to my stomach and lower intestine, they don't have the staple japanese condiments that would make their shit-for-food otherwise palatable. but according to Urbanspoon, i'm the offensive one. go tell these other stupid fucks who rave positively about this disgrace of a restaurant how offended i am by their utter stupidity and ignorance. oh, but wait... these are the people that populate Urbanspoon's forums and apparently moderate the site as well.

i'm really going to miss Ken and his shiny forehead moderating my restaurant reviews and projecting his high and mighty assholishness onto other people who express their honest opinions about restaurants so that other people can either get a laugh or not choose to eat at a sham of a restaurant. "fuck" you, Urbanspoon, because you're "shit" for a user-sharing forum.

UPDATE:
Urbanspoon has now deleted my account. what a bunch of judgmental pieces of shit. once i get some downtime, i'll be sure to create bogus accounts and just riddle the whole damn site with profanity. please join the fun and NOT use Urbanspoon. you can say what you like on Yelp!